You're just having a phase

6:31 PM

I've had a lot of things in my mind lately... so beware, the mess inside my head is directly transferred to this post.

To me the word "phase" signifies something temporary, something that only lasts for a certain amount of time. So when exactly does a "phase" transform into a permanent form of itself, also known as "me being myself"?

You might or might not know this, but it has been years since I last really listened to (or was a fan of) any Western artists or bands. I think my latests favorite Western band was Green Day, and this was - I dare to say - 6-7 years ago. Considering my 18 years of age, 8 years seems too far away, so I would say it was at 11 years of age when I first started my "phase" - as that is what my parents and adults in general like to call it.


If you know me - or if you have been to my room - you're probably aware of all the kpop craziness in my life. The beginning of my "phase" did not actually start with Korea, but with Japan. Jpop was indeed the biggest influence for me from the tender age of 11 to the age of... 15 or 16? It is a little unclear when was the exact time when I decided to jump from Japan to Korea, but in the end, I don't think it is that important.

Throughout my "phases" - and even before that - I've always had these musical figures to whom I look up to. From Britney Spears to Hamasaki Ayumi to Krystal Jung - as well as a few others in between. There has always been someone who I want to be like, someone to look up to.

A few days ago, my mother was helping me to plan out my personal statement for college applications. In the US, college applications are all about trying to look good and bragging about yourself. My mom tried to help me with this, so she asked me a question; "What are you good at?" However, she could not get an answer out of me. So I wonder, what am I actually good at? What am like?

Don't expect me to answer those two questions; I'm still in the process of figuring them out.

After admiring and looking up to others all this time, it seems like I'm finally going to have to find the good sides about myself, and start being proud of what I have succeeded in life so far. And that is the most important thing; to be proud of yourself. To be proud of each and every little thing you have done.

I'm learning.

Having all these things in my mind, I attended an event that was held in Charlotte this weekend. I strongly believe in being yourself, in all shapes and forms (unless it's morally wrong, but let's not go there), which is why I decided to go check out Pride!

I must say, I have never felt so safe in my life. (Except that one guy but he was rather weird than creepy. And probably high up in the clouds. He stopped and waved at us.) Everyone there was so happy. Wearing my high waisted shorts, I would usually feel obligated to pull them down every few seconds (hey, not my fault stores make their shorts so damn short... Do you know how hard it is to find ones that fit right? If shorts weren't meant to be short, Forever 21 would make them longer.) but after seeing I-lost-count-how-many half-naked people, I figured I wouldn't be judged for my outfit of choice. Not in this crowd. I mean, someone even used bodypaint and transformed herself into a unicorn. (Yes, a unicorn! How awesome is that???)

After buying some multi-colored bows and getting some rainbows on our arms, we went to watch the show. And so I have seen a fabulous drag show - those ladies can dance - but I think my favorite was the MC. He was walking around in heels the whole time, and it was sassy. The day was finished with Estelle's performance in the evening. (And again, it was all awesome.)

Overall, Pride was amazing, and like the name of the event suggests; those people were proud of who they are.

To conclude this long ass post that got off topic at one point but still not really because I had a point the whole time... 

No matter what it is about, when others tell you that it's just a "phase", the most important thing is that you know who you are and you are proud of yourself.

Don't be afraid to be different. Mainstream is boring.


Love wins.

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